(BENTON, Ky.) – In a bold challenge to modern meteorology, WCBL morning disc jockey Greg Leath announced on Tuesday that he will personally monitor the upcoming winter weather using nothing but his own physical specifications.
“These fancy weather stations with their digital readouts and Doppler radar? Overrated,” declared Leath during Tuesday’s morning show. “I’ve got everything we need right here – six-foot-one of prime measurement equipment and a nose that’s been calibrated by fifty-two Kentucky winters.”
The unprecedented scientific approach will work as follows: Leath will stand outside the station each morning, using his height as a snowfall gauge. Snow reaching his ankles? That’s a “light dusting” in Leath terminology. Mid-thigh? “Getting interesting.” Waist-high? “Might be late to work.” Anything reaching his shoulders has been designated “Greg-level emergency status.”
For temperature readings, Leath plans to rely on what he calls his “facial early warning system.”
“If the tip of my nose turns pink, we’re looking at the low 30s,” Leath explained. “Red means 20s. When it goes completely numb and I can’t feel it anymore, that’s your official ‘stay home advisory.”
Station manager Laurie Hendrickson expressed what she described as “cautious support” for the initiative.
“On one hand, Greg’s dedication to local weather reporting is admirable,” Hendrickson noted. “On the other hand, we’ve already had to explain to listeners three times today that ‘partly Greg-covered’ is not an official weather term.”
WCBL Chief Meteorologist Beau Dodson appeared less enthusiastic about Leath’s methodology.
“While I appreciate Mr. Leath’s enthusiasm, the human body is not a precision instrument,” Dodson said, adjusting his glasses. “Also, I’m fairly certain standing outside in blizzard conditions just to see if snow reaches your belt buckle violates several workplace safety protocols.”
Undeterred, Leath has already begun preparing for his weather-monitoring duties. He’s installed a measuring tape on the station’s front door frame, marked with helpful indicators like “Flurry Territory” (2 inches), “Snow Day Maybe?” (6 inches), and “Where Did Greg Go?” (6 feet 2 inches).
For temperature measurements, he’s color-coded his nose response system and plans to provide updates every hour on the hour, assuming his vocal cords haven’t frozen.
“The people of Benton deserve authentic, boots-on-the-ground weather reporting,” Leath proclaimed, already bundled in three layers despite the current 45-degree temperature. “Or in this case, Greg-in-the-snow reporting.”
When asked what happens if the snow exceeds his height, Leath paused thoughtfully.
“Well, if you tune in one morning and all you hear is muffled radio static and the occasional sneeze, you’ll know we got at least six feet.”
WCBL reminds listeners that while Greg Leath’s weather reports are entertaining, they should probably still check actual forecasts from Chief Meteorologist Beau Dodson for important travel and safety decisions.
Leath’s first official measurement is scheduled for Friday morning at 6 AM, weather permitting. Listeners are encouraged to call in with their own “Greg-scale” snow predictions.
“I’m giving it a solid ‘nippy nose with a chance of knee-deep,'” said regular listener Martha Henderson. “That’s about a 7.5 on the Leath scale.”
Leath was seen earlier today practicing standing very still in the parking lot, “getting a baseline measurement” while his co-workers pretended not to notice.
