(BENTON, Ky.) — Marshall County is set to welcome its newest tourist attraction: Marshals & Miners Cinematic Tours, a company dedicated to taking dozens—perhaps even several dozens—of movie enthusiasts through the hallowed ground where Hollywood came to Kentucky.
The U.S. Marshals Experience: “Follow the Fugitive (Again, But Different)”
The flagship tour promises to recreate the exact steps taken by Tommy Lee Jones, Wesley Snipes, and Robert Downey Jr. during the 1998 filming of U.S. Marshals, the sequel that audiences worldwide greeted with a resounding “Wait, they made a sequel to The Fugitive?”
“We’re talking about three A-list actors who spent what we estimate was between 90 minutes and four hours in Benton,” explains tour founder Derek Pemberton, a man who has watched the film 47 times and can identify every local extra. “That’s a significant cultural footprint we’d be foolish to ignore.”
The three-hour tour (two hours longer than the stars actually spent here) will include:
- Standing in the approximate location where Tommy Lee Jones may have stood
- Breathing the same air molecules that Wesley Snipes definitely did not breathe (due to molecular dispersal over 27 years)
- A solemn moment of reflection at the spot where Robert Downey Jr.’s stunt double might have parked
- An interpretive dance representing the scene that was filmed here but cut from the theatrical release
- A gift shop selling commemorative t-shirts reading “I Was Marshaled in Marshall County”
“People need to understand the historical significance,” Pemberton insists, gesturing wildly at an empty parking lot. “This is where movie magic was supposed to happen. And then it did happen. Somewhere. Near here. Probably.”
The Coal Miner’s Daughter Deep Dive: WCBL and the Bologna Question
But wait—there’s more! The secondary tour tackles the 1980 classic Coal Miner’s Daughter, diving deep into the film’s connection to the area and confronting questions that have haunted Marshall County for over four decades.
The centerpiece of this tour is an exclusive visit to WCBL Radio, where guests will stand in reverent silence before the broadcasting equipment and contemplate the immense cultural weight of a movie that mentioned the station.
However, the tour’s most controversial element is sure to be what Pemberton calls “The Bologna Symposium”—a frank, unvarnished discussion about bologna’s alleged effects as an aphrodisiac, as suggested by Doo to ‘Retty in the general store.
“Look, we’re not scientists,” Pemberton admits, while standing next to a PowerPoint presentation titled “Bologna: Love Meat or Just Lunch Meat?” “But we owe it to visitors to have this conversation. The hard conversation. The conversation nobody wants to have but everybody’s thinking about when they’re at the deli counter.”
The tour will feature:
- A blind taste-testing of various bologna brands (garlic, regular, and “Kentucky style”)
- Testimonials from area residents willing to go on record about their bologna experiences
- A medical disclaimer read at high speed
Economic Impact: Cautiously Optimistic to Wildly Delusional
Economic projections suggest the tours could bring in anywhere from seven to twelve tourists annually, generating an estimated $340 in revenue, or roughly enough to cover the insurance premium on Pemberton’s tour van.
“If we can get even one person to drive here on purpose, instead of just getting off at the wrong exit, I’ll consider this a success,” Pemberton says, staring wistfully at the horizon. “This is about preserving our heritage. Our cinematic heritage.”
Tickets Now Available (Please Buy Tickets)
Tours begin in late November, weather permitting, and whenever Pemberton’s van gets inspected. Tickets are $45 per person, or $80 for the “Premium Experience,” which includes a box lunch with—what else—bologna sandwiches.
“I’ve already sold two tickets,” Pemberton announces proudly. “Well, one ticket and one promise from my cousin that he’ll ‘probably show up.'”
When asked about the long-term sustainability of a business built around approximately 15 minutes of aggregate screen time filmed in Marshall County over 44 years, Pemberton remains defiant.
“You know what they say,” he concludes. “Build it and they will come.”
They do say that. Whether they were talking about a U.S. Marshals tour in Benton remains unclear.
Marshals & Miners Cinematic Tours is currently accepting reservations and venture capital from anyone intersted. For more information, look for Derek’s van parked behind the WCBL Radio.