Proudly sponsored by the Humans Eradicating A Disease (HEAD) Institute
FINALLY! The recognition our tiny tormentors deserve!
For too long, lice and fleas have been marginalized, stigmatized, and subjected to aggressive shampoo campaigns. But no more! The HEAD Institute is proud to announce the inaugural “Scratch It!” National Lice and Flea Awareness Day, celebrating these misunderstood arthropods and the rich, itchy relationships they’ve cultivated with humanity for millennia.
EVENT HIGHLIGHTS:
10:00 AM – Opening Ceremony: “A Moment of Silence for All the Fallen Nits” Head researcher Dr. Ima Scratchin will deliver a moving tribute to the countless lice who have given their lives in the name of Head & Shoulders stock prices.
11:00 AM – Educational Workshop: “Flea Jumping 101” Learn the biomechanics behind nature’s most impressive long jumpers! Participants are encouraged to attempt their own flea-inspired leaps (liability waivers required).
12:00 PM – Lunch Break: “Scratch and Snack” Enjoy artisanal blood sausages and hair pasta while networking with fellow enthusiasts. Please note: actual blood not included due to health concerns.
1:00 PM – Panel Discussion: “Lice: The Original Social Network” Discover how lice pioneered head-to-head communication centuries before Facebook! Moderated by renowned entomologist Dr. Nit Picker.
2:30 PM – Interactive Demonstration: “Professional Scratching Techniques” Master the art of the therapeutic scratch with guidance from certified itch specialists. Learn proper fingernail positioning and optimal scratch-to-relief ratios.
3:15 PM – Flea Queen Pageant For the bold and beautiful, compare your bites and mites for the Flea Queen Crown!
4:00 PM – Awards Ceremony Presenting the Golden Flea Award to this year’s most persistent parasitic performer, and the Platinum Nit recognition for outstanding achievement in scalp colonization.
5:00 PM – Community Itch-In Join hands (and heads) in solidarity as we collectively appreciate the unifying power of synchronized scratching. Drummers welcome to provide rhythmic accompaniment.
SPECIAL GUESTS:
- Captain Flea Beard, maritime pest historian
- The Itchy Dozen, a barbershop quartet specializing in parasite-themed ballads
- Scratchy the Mascot, beloved HEAD Institute ambassador (costume may contain actual fleas for authenticity)
VENDOR BOOTHS:
- Nit-Picky Crafts: Transform shed lice eggs into stunning jewelry
- Flea Market Finds: Ironic vintage flea combs and magnifying glasses
- Scratch-n-Win Games: Test your scratching skills for fabulous prizes
EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES:
Children will learn fascinating facts like “Did you know a single flea can jump 150 times its own height?” and “Lice have been faithful human companions since prehistoric times!” Take-home activity books include connect-the-nit puzzles and flea lifecycle coloring pages.
IMPORTANT REMINDERS:
- Event is clothing-optional to facilitate proper parasite appreciation
- Bring your own magnifying glass for optimal viewing
- Professional delousing services will NOT be available on-site (that would defeat the purpose!)
- Parking available at the boat ramp, but be aware that fleas are excellent hitchhikers
“Together, we can change the narrative from ‘pest’ to ‘pet’!” – Dr. Scratchin, HEAD Institute Founder
The HEAD Institute is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to fostering understanding between humans and their microscopic roommates. This absolutely fake event is not endorsed by the CDC, WHO, or any reasonable medical authority.
For more information, call 1-800-SCRATCH or visit www.scratchit2025.org
Remember: It’s not an infestation, it’s a celebration!