(PARIS, Tenn.) — In what local officials are calling “the most patriotic act since we invented country music,” a grassroots movement of Tennessee residents is demanding that the portion of Kentucky Lake touching Tennessee shores be renamed “Little Jimmy Dickens Lake” in honor of the diminutive country music legend.
The campaign, spearheaded by the newly formed “Tennessee Waters for Tennessee Heroes (TWTH)” coalition, argues that it’s “downright un-American” for Tennessee residents to have to say they’re visiting “Kentucky Lake” when they’re clearly standing on Tennessee soil.
“Every time I tell my grandkids we’re going fishing on Kentucky Lake, a little part of my Tennessee soul dies,” said Boudleaux “B-Bo” Johnson, 67, founder of the movement and owner of Tater’s Bait & Tackle. “Little Jimmy Dickens was barely five feet tall, but he had more Tennessee pride in his pinky finger than most folks have in their whole body. That lake water needs a proper Tennessee name.”
The late James Cecil “Little Jimmy” Dickens, who stood 4’11” and was known for hits like “May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose,” lived in Tennessee for decades and was a Grand Ole Opry member for over 60 years. Supporters argue this makes him infinitely more qualified than Kentucky’s namesake to have a body of water named after him.
The Tennessee Governor’s Mansion has reportedly received 400 petitions, 73 strongly-worded letters, and one interpretive dance video demanding the change. Kentucky officials, reached for comment, simply laughed for several minutes before hanging up the phone.
“They can call their little puddle whatever they want,” said Kentucky Lake President of Water, Mike Honcho, II. “Last I checked, we built the dam, we manage the lake, and we’ve got ‘Kentucky’ right there in the name. Maybe Tennessee should focus on making their own lake instead of trying to steal ours.”
This suggestion has only fueled Tennessee resolve. Plans are already underway for “Operation Volunteer Lake,” a proposed 47-acre retention pond to be dug by hand behind the Piggly Wiggly in Camden. The pond would be named “Dolly Parton’s Reflecting Pool of Tennessee Excellence.” To further push the issue to the forefront, former Vols Quarterback Peyton Manning has partnered with the TWTH as a media spokesperson.
“We’ll show them Kentucky folks,” declared Johnson, brandishing a ceremonial shovel he claimed belonged to Davy Crockett. “When Little Jimmy Dickens Lake gets official recognition from the Tennessee Legislature, Kentucky’s gonna be sorrier than those ol’ boys that climbed up Rocky Top lookin for that ‘still…he he he!”
The Tennessee Legislature is expected to vote on a non-binding resolution supporting the name change sometime after they finish debating whether to make hot chicken the official state bird.
Kentucky Lake continues to flow serenely between the two states, apparently unconcerned with the naming controversy swirling around it.